The guilt comes in because I have another child to think about. So while I'm trying to deal with Eli in an immediate fashion these days, Maddux gets neglected. And because Eli's temper is flaring currently, this scenario plays out several times each day. I will say that Eli's time outs obviously don't take my attention too much since he is being isolated from me (and Maddux), but my mind is not with her while he's on his TO square and I'm convinced she knows it. I feel horrible about the fact that Maddie's life right now revolves around Eli and his schedule (swim class and 'school'). I keep reminding myself that she doesn't get as much one-on-one as Eli got, but she has a sibling and that more than makes up for it. But it's hard to convince myself of that when I pick her up after dealing with Eli only to have her melt into my chest. She lays her head on me in such an endearing and sweet way, as if to say, "It's OK, Mommy. I love you." It warms me so much, but most of the time I still feel so exhausted, mentally and emotionally, from the most recent ordeal that I feel I have nothing left to give. Just more random ramblings, I know, but it's weighing heavily on me right now.
5 comments:
You are a beautiful and amazing mother. The guilt you are speaking of we all place on ourselves at times. It's difficult to determine at which point is enough, enough, and hitting is way up there on my "no, no" list too.
I believe you handled it perfectly. Maddux is thriving and she knows you are the best mom a girl could ask for, so just do what you are great at and that's be their Mom. Hugs sweetie.
Oh girl! We went through a phase a few months ago with Ryan's tantrums. One thing that I found really helped was I realized that Ryan wasn't getting the time with me since Pace had quit taking a morning nap. I incorporated more mommy and Ryan time and they really subsided.
we have now moved to a new phase and are dealing with something new. In fact we were both in tears as to how to deal with it. One call to Megan S. and Shari helped tons! Hopefully this too shall pass.
I'll pray for you ... just remember that they do seem to pass and try not to place undue guilt on yourself! (easier said than done huh?)
Absolutely. I think the hardest part of being the mom of two is that no matter what it feels like someone is getting the shaft. You can't feel good about anything you are doing with one of them, because in the back of your mind you know you are NOT doing something with the other.
Gosh, this really hits home for me too. My baby girl is so much less demanding than my toddler son (he's been so demanding since birth!).
I feel the guilt almost everyday - even though I try to "schedule" Mommy time with Danika.
I don't think there is a perfect answer.
Someone gave me the best advice ever, right after my son was born. He told me, "Don't beat yourself up for all the 'coulda - woulda - shouldas'. All you can do is LOVE them. That's really all they need."
And I know from reading this blog of yours, that you LOVE your children more than anything else in this world! You're a great mom!
I think it is normal no matter how many children you have. I have that same guilt everyday, but it is the opposite for me. Carter is very content with playing by himself at times, it is Peyton who is the more demanding right now. I don't know if it teething or what is going on. He is just more clingy and whiny and needs mommy more right now. Just think soon they will both be playing together and this will all be a blur.
Amy
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