volleyball

about a week before tryouts last year, you picked up a volleyball for the first time. while you showed great promise and learned a lot at the tryouts, you did not make the team. over the summer i may have signed you up for a few clinics without your approval. i contest that i did it out of love because i knew how much you wanted to make the team, even if you didn't want to put in work over your summer break.

but then you started hitting in the yard, and bringing your ball to the beach with us, and working on some skills even when you weren't at a clinic.

as luck would have it, you also had a few open gym days at your school, with one of the coaches the week before tryouts. all of this helped you feel much more comfortable on the court, so you earned a starting spot on the team. 

so far you've had ten days of school and eight days of practice. i love this. i love that you've so many hours on the court with your friends already, working on these skills together and trying to better yourselves. i love that your team has a coach that is really pulling you all in to support each other on and off of the court. i love that you've found something that is giving you plenty to work on, while still allowing you to see gains.

looking forward to your first game, Mad Dog.

Back to School

All three returned to school in the last week, but they each went their separate ways for the first time.

Ruby returned to our elementary school, this time to a 1st grade class. She has a handful of repeat classmates, which will hopefully help her find some allies while she's at school. She was SO excited to return. Even though we'd discussed the schedule of events, when we went a few days before school started for our meet-n-greet, she wanted to stay in her classroom. In fact, when I said, "OK, Ruby, it's time to say good-bye.", she turned to me and gave me a hug, saying, "Bye, Mommy!" The first day was not a problem for her.

Maddux returned to her (private) middle school. As a seventh grader, the start of this year is pretty standard, being the middle grade and knowing what to expect. She was excited to return to the routine of seeing friends all day, definitely more excited than she was about the actual 'school' part of it. She had a few extra days at home without her siblings, which she filled with volleyball and friends.

The first week of Middle School always includes a few days at a camp nearby where the students go for a retreat. I love this tradition, and Maddux was very excited to return there with so many friends.

Eli started a new school this year: our local public high school. So he technically had two 'new' things to deal with. I will say, his overall demeanor the few days leading up to the first day was the most apprehensive I've ever seen from him regarding school, even Kindergarten. But I understand. Moving to middle and then high school is a big step, but even bigger when you've been at a small, family-feeling Christian school for a few years, feeling all warm and fuzzy in a bit of a bubble.

As we've discussed with Eli, the choice to move back to public for these last years is intentional, in part to give him a bigger, more realistic world view while he's still in our house and has a safe place to land each day. (As opposed to waiting until college or moving out after high school and having to face 'real world' without knowing you had people waiting for you at home who want to support you.)

But that doesn't make it easier, especially for mama bear.

The first day went off without a hitch for Eli though, complete with him making it to all of the right classes on time, AND having a friend in each of his classes (including lunch). And we've returned to riding the bus, which is working out well right now for him too. (Or at least it's working for the Uber-carpool driver!) Strangest thing for us so far? Wearing 'regular' clothes to school!!

dance the night away

you had your first middle school dance this weekend. you anticipated it for a month, planning trips to get a new dress and your nails done. you let your best friend and i sway you to pick a dress that was awesome, even though it wasn't your first choice, and i couldn't have been happier as i heard your friend ask you again and again afterwards if you really liked it, because her main concern was that YOU were happy with the choice. you tried on both dresses again at home, affirming your choice and moving forward with shoe selections.

proud mama moment when you asked if you could get a new pair of Vans for the event, ones that matched, but that you could wear afterwards. you speak my language, Maddux, and you are WAY cooler than i was at your age.

even though you complained about my immanent presence at the dance as a photographer for weeks beforehand, you were excited to ask me to join you and the other sixth grade girls beforehand for photos. your group of girls is so perfect right now - i hope you all remember how nice drama-free friendships can be!
at the dance you made the rounds, danced more than you didn't, and made eye contact and came into my personal space more times than i can count. and my heart melted every time. thank you for sharing this awesome first with me, Maddux.

growing pains

oh adolescence. honestly, we had way more struggles with you in your younger years than we have had during these tween and early teen years, but that doesn't make this 'middle' stage easy. not for you and not for us. it's hard to balance new responsibilities and emerging independence and social changes and academic intensification and sports and music and and and... all the while, your parents just want to pour into you so many things because we see the time slipping away already, and that often feels like 'lecturing' to you. 

you've impressed us with your ability to balance school and everything else. seriously. you aren't perfect, but you're doing a really good job on that front without any hand-holding from us. (that doesn't mean we don't bug you with questions when we see an errant grade come through your test scores, but that's after the fact, and you really do balance it all out so that you still end up with exemplary overall grades.)

you show much maturity in the area of your music, always working to make it a priority in your schedule. even though you play so much at church and with your band, requiring one of us to drive you to and from practices and rehearsals many times a week to locations not near our house, you're usually pretty good about asking (rather than assuming we can work it into our schedule), and it's rare that you don't verbalize your appreciation for that aspect of it.

technology is not our favorite. not by a long shot. after three years, i think we are finally making peace with you having a (very locked down) school laptop at your disposal during the school year, but the addition of a (very locked down) phone in the last few months has been a return to uncharted territory for us. we are working through it, often with glimpses of good choices and emerging digital maturity from you, but definitely with additional heated discussions.

i love love love the moments (sometimes even days on end!) when we know and act like we are on the same team, sharing ideas and highs and lows...communicating calmly and with humility. it's a really cool thing, when your kid starts to really grow up and you can do more connecting than correcting.

then something interrupts that and i am reminded that we in fact are not above the typical teen and parent relationship. instead of working together, suddenly we are opposing forces again that cannot understand how the other could be working towards a goal so opposite of our own.

the butting of heads, when it happens... i'm still not a fan. so many times in the last three years i have seen areas of maturity in you that leave me in awe. maybe that's what makes it so unbearable for me when we don't see eye to eye. there is so much of me in you, and that's probably another big part of the problem. i've still got lots of room to grow and mature myself, but when your words and behavior remind me of my errant ways of the past, it's a bitter pill. 

the good news is, we don't have to have it figured out today, or even tomorrow. but while we figure it out, let's wear the same color jersey, ok? i really like being on your team.

fruition

there are two big things i've very intentionally prayed for you for a few years now. one of those is for you to find a passion. a sport, a hobby, something that pulls at your heart...anything that makes you feel connected and challenged and competent. it has been hard, probably harder for you because i am constantly 'bugging' you about signing up for the school play or for a rec league of a sport. i have been relentless in my attempts to help you find something. and while you have shown me in your awesome desire to work with kids at church that you do indeed have a passion, and a great one at that, i still prayed that you would find something that would help you connect at school or with your peers.

after a few attempts to join sports that required a tryout, i was worried you might meet the same unsatisfying fate with soccer. even though you've played through the years, it's been with a passing commitment to a rec league that meets once a week. (in other words: no guarantee that you could make a competitive team.) but you were awarded a spot on the team, likely to attend practice but sit the bench during games, which is not uncommon for an 'underclassman'.

oh, but Maddux....last week you had four games and you played in three of them. not because the team was short on players (we usually have 6-8 on the bench), but because your coaches gave you a chance. first it was just for a few minutes, but one of the games found you in for almost half of the game. and how you brightened the field. your smile was so big, and it brought you so much joy...

you still have a long way to go to become the leading player in terms of skill level, but so what - you have the time. the connections you are making with your teammates, and the experience you are gaining with coaches that seem to make very smart choices with their players is exactly what I've been praying for. aatching you interact with the other 6th grade girls (and a few older ones), and seeing you encourage and build up those around you, all the while, learning how to push yourself in this sport has been so amazing to watch!

futball

oh the hours. how many did you spend on the baseball field only to come home and throw or catch or hit until we made you stop. how much time and energy and love did you put into that game, both as a player and a fan. and while i loved baseball before you came along, i REALLY loved baseball when it involved you, even though the practices were long and many, and the games were long and many, and our lives were simply the moments between driving to and from the field.

when you switched to soccer a few years ago, it broke my heart. it seemed like you started to see something that you hadn't seen before. it seemed like you doubted your ability. it seemed like you noticed a gap between your skills and those of the other players. (mama bears don't like those kind of feelings, fyi.) so i mourned the absence of baseball, mostly because you had such a driving passion for it and i really really loved watching that in you, and i was afraid you might not have that for another sport.

but here we are, three years later, and you are still loving soccer. this last year has found you making the school team and playing on a more schedule-demanding club team. and while the kids are still bigger than you, as they often are in every area of your life, you have something real to add to the team. your many practices each week - often two each day to cover both teams - is showing up on the field in the way you work with your teammates in this dance that is not choreographed, but still so fluid. i think you know you're not the best player on the field, but you carry yourself as though you know that you have a lot to offer the team. you walk with confidence. and mama bears DO like those kinds of feelings.

Soccer Days

Eli is still on his year round 'travel' soccer team through our local soccer club. While he is enjoying it, the season started very rough last fall with more practice cancellations than not, eventually leading to a change in our coach (who we never really got a chance to know anyway). A few roster changes occurred late in the fall as well...all of this has unfortunately led us to being in the height of the season without any momentum or sense of 'team' for the boys. So when school soccer tryouts came around, we were ready.

Eli was on the team last year, so it was assumed he would make it again. The school ended up not cutting anyone; there is actually an overabundance of spring sports available this year, so the kids have all spread out evenly on the teams. Even though a few of our boys are new to the sport, they had a great showing in their first game last week. Nevermind the score, they were really 'beautiful' to watch on the field: passing, communicating, supporting. It was really really cool, especially given our other team at the moment. I reminded Eli this week that both teams have a lot of talent - his travel team probably has more. But individual talent is trumped by overall teamwork every time.

Another really cool thing (for me) to see at the game is something I've seen a little in other areas as well: Eli is dipping a toe in leadership. He was shouting out to his teammates during the game, as they were taking their positions, even on the sidelines when he would sub out for a minute. That shows ownership to me, and I like that (on the cusp of freshman year, no less!) Eli feels confident enough to 'own' his team.

my funny valentine

since the kids were little, we've had dating and marriage conversations from time to time. from an early age we threw out the age of 17 as a good age to be when dating would be an option. (when she was younger, maddux would correctly tell you why: 'because dating is for getting ready for marry-ing, and you can't marry until you're 18.')

as eli and maddux approached middle school, we made those conversations a little more frequent, at least with maddux. (eli seems to be skirting the whole 'girls are cool' scene for now.) she didn't show much of an interest in chasing boys , but we know these things sneak up on you.

this first middle school year found a few of her friends diving head first into 'romantic' relationships. talks of dating and 'liking' boys came up in her circle. we continued to pour 'wait' counsel into her, reminding her that the opportunity to learn from watching her peers would be valuable in the long run, and that shifting her great male friendships into 'something more' often complicates things at this age.

we were chugging along fine until this month. i don't remember how exactly what triggered it, but i knew to ask a few intentional questions today. without much probing, maddux divulged that a (boy) friend of hers had asked her to be his valentine. he did so in a note, but they talked when she gave him her answer. i asked her what that meant and i think we landed on that meaning they were boyfriend and girlfriend. she cautiously walked through the sequence of events with me, likely waiting for me to disapprove. thankfully God was reminding me the whole time to use this opportunity to build trust and bonding...i think i might have not messed it up this time!

the first thing i did was celebrate with my girl, who was obviously excited. i also told her how happy i was that the way the boy asked her and the follow up conversation was so appropriate and intentional. (he asked her himself, in a very sweet note and then they talked in person, rather than being asked through a friend or in a text message.) she even showed me the note at this point (which was proof to me that i was on the right track).

somewhere in there she did tell me she thought i'd be mad because she's not 17 yet. i reminded her that while she and this boy have decided to label their relationship something different than it was prior, they were not 'dating'. (and then i asked her to tell me what dating is: the boy picking you up in a car and paying for your joint activity, AFTER he comes to the house and meets your family.) then i went on to tell her that while her dad and i can obviously influence what she's allowed to do, no one can control her feelings. so her 'liking' someone is a very natural thing and something that she will have to decide how to respond to when it happens. and of course i threw in there that i hope she'll come to me to talk about relationships, like she did this time.

she was so receptive to me, and so sharing with her experience and joy... it was unlike any other conversation we've had surrounding such a big issue or milestone. i was (AM!) so grateful that i was able to keep things in perspective and recognize the opportunity to connect with maddux. (thank you, God!) this is likely a life event she'll always remember, and it feels like she will remember my reaction to it in a good way. you would think this reminder to slow down and really listen to my kids would keep me from pushing them away with my parental 'guidance' in the future...but i'm sure i'll return to my usual ways the next go-round. in the meantime, i'm basking in the awesomeness of today.

No-Snow Day

Every year since Eli and Maddux have started school, we've had at least one snow or ice day, usually in January. The past few years, the county has definitely been quick to cancel school if there is a real threat of the snow coming on too quickly during school hours. (Thanks, Snowmageddon 2014!) In those same years, Lehr has kept a close eye on the forecast just northeast of us so that he can take the kids for a quick ski day in North Carolina. This year, the two events lined up together.

A snowstorm (an Atlanta snowstorm) was due to hit us yesterday around 10AM, providing a few hours of snow followed by about 24 hours of below freezing temperatures. We all predicted the day off of school for today (due to all of the snow being frozen on the roads), but it was anyone's guess what they would do about the day the snow was actually coming. Out of an 'abundance of caution' (the most common words used to describe their snow decisions in the last few years), Cobb decided at noon on Monday to cancel school for Tuesday. So Lehr decided to pack up the kids and their snow gear after Maddux's basketball game and head out before the snow hit the roads. Because he's the amazing dad he is, he invited 4 other kids to go with them. Two of the kids went (one friend each for Eli and Maddux). They had a great time, piling into a motel room for about seven hours of sleep before carbing up with a pancake breakfast. They skiied all day, enjoying awesome fluffy snow continuously refreshing the trails for them. After grabbing some dinner, they drove back to Atlanta.

Ruby and I stayed here and enjoyed about 90-seconds of a flurry in the sky, followed by sun and very mild temperatures (maybe 42?). The kids all returned to school today.

Youth Christmas Party

As much as the big kids (Eli, especially) love our church youth group, the annual Christmas Party takes it to a new level. The year before he could join the big kids, the 5th grade party included a costume component, and he rose to the challenge, dressing in a sweatshirt that we decorated (a la Ugly Christmas sweater). The following year, he didn't get a chance to go all out because we came directly from a Revivalists' show in town (priorities), but last year he jumped back in by wearing a tree skirt covered in lights and tinsel and dollar tree ornaments. It was fantastic.

But raising the bar like that each year can be hard, so when he brought up this year's party, I really thought he might opt to dress in nice clothes instead (the alternate option). Nope; a few days before he decided to create a Charlie Brown costume. We bought a yellow shirt for $2.95 and sharpied the black zigzag, and he pulled shorts and the rest from his closet. Then he constructed the Charlie Brown Christmas tree on his own, down to the lone red ball ornament.

You're a good man, Charlie Brown!

Halloween

We love Halloween. OK, I love Halloween. And any chance I can get to come up with a group costume for us is a total win. Eli was totally in this year, but then he and his friends started talking in early September about maybe hanging out together that night. He still wanted to dress up (and do a group thing!) and trick-or-treat with us, so he proposed going to his friend's halfway in. We agreed and forged on with a costume that would likely just be Lehr, Ruby and I. (Maddux does NOT want to be part of a group costume.)

Then a few weeks before Halloween, one of Maddux's friends from school suggested some of them get together to trick-or-treat. All of the sudden I was facing 'losing' both big kids in the same year. I did not sign up for that! We compromised and decided to let them go to a neighborhood around the corner, but only after they did the beginning of the evening with us. They agreed and moved forward deciding costumes with their friends.

Eli and I talked about it and decided he should suggest ghosts for his group. It's a cool enough costume without giving the impression that it took much thought or effort, and it was easy to pull off when you didn't want to wear it anymore. Maddux and her friends all made Care Bear costumes. They each had a great time with some freedom during the main event (a parents was driving around keeping tabs on them and both groups of friends were in the same neighborhood), but they also admitted that they weren't 100% that they wanted to do the same next year. (Score one for mom!)

So what did we dress up as? I really tried to think of something that wouldn't be as 'involved' this year, and that might not cost so much to create. We have always made/pieced together the costumes ourselves, but that can be as expensive as the 'real 'costume!

Sooo, I landed on ET. Ruby LOVES to ride on the front of Lehr's bike, and she looks like a little E.T. on there, so it seemed like a no-brainer. I decided on Elliot for Lehr (so he could ride the bike) and Gertie for me. Easy costume for Lehr and I, and I just had to figure out the face paint for Ruby. Lehr constructed the bike the weekend before while I practiced Ruby's face, and it all came together really well. She had a great time and still talks about being E.T. (Yes, she's seen the movie a few times and loves it.)

 Ruby had a lot of fun trick-or-treating and seeing friends from the neighborhood. She took advantage of having a bike seat to sit in for about 90% of the night, but that didn't stop her from getting candy from the many people that set up shop in their driveway (our neighborhood really goes all out!).

Leader In Training

Eli has long been one to tag along with Lehr during worship band rehearsals at the church. When he was a wee one, he would tag along and the older boys would tolerate play with him. When Eli got a little older, he would play drums with some of these older boys, and in recent years, Eli has joined some of these 'elders' at youth group and in the youth worship band. If you ask Eli, he will probably tell you he considers some of the 16-20 year old crowd more 'his people' than the ones his own age at church. That makes sense considering he spent a week with some of them serving at a camp last summer, and he spends countless hours each month in rehearsal with most of them.

Recently the youth group has started promoting a Student Leadership Team, to get some of the more seasoned and involved youth to work together to connect with and involve other youth in various ways. I love that Eli signed up for this team before even consulting us. We've always told him that while he has always benefited from having someone 'ahead' of him investing in him, he can (and needs to) turn around and do the same for someone younger than him.

Fast forward to this weekend when Eli's college friends wanted to make a video promoting Youth Sunday at our church. (This is an annual 'thing' where the youth run the show in the worship band, the sound controls, the lighting and production, the greeting and parking team...everything.) Eli and I brainstormed a few ideas and then he spent the day with two cool 'kids' making this video.

Cross Country

Maddux and Eli are both running this season. Maddux was not very thrilled to start this sport, but she's made some good friends in the process, and (I hope!) learned something about herself. (Mainly that she is fast when she wants to be and she can do more than she thinks she can.)

The kids have had three meets so far. Eli has improved his time significantly from last season, and bested his time on a few courses. Maddux has scored for her team (only top 5 score), and she's improved her time as well.

Onward

Today I came face to face with the reality that my bigs really are big. Eli and Maddux started school today, meaning they are both in Middle School.

Obviously I know this, and have known this, but seeing them both dressed in their chapel uniforms this morning, Eli with his newer haircut that makes him look like a cool teenager, and Maddux with her long legs and maturing face, it really hit me. Actually, it really hit me after school when they came in with their backpacks and laptops and cross country clothes, all sweaty from practice. They looked at least as grown up then, and they were so mature in their download of their respective days. Even better, they were getting along! It's like putting them in the same building actually helped their relationship, even if just for one day! They were totally talking and exchanging information about their day(s), respectfully and kindly. It's a first day of school miracle!!!

Maddux enjoyed her first day of 6th grade, meeting new friends and briefly connecting with a few she's met in the last week. Eli has lots of friends in all of his classes, which isn't a surprise as the small school allows you to know everyone (thus making them your friend). I was able to attend the first day convocation, which culminated in me getting to pray specifically over Eli before he started his day. That was awesome and something I hope he thinks was awesome too.

School Band

Tonight was Eli's end-of-year band concert. This year has found him practicing less at home (unfortunately), yet very much expanding his range on the trumpet. So much so that he asked permission to do a solo at Christmas, and when we hear worship songs sometimes he'll lean over and say to me, "If we ever play that at church, I could offer to play the trumpet part."

Tonight's selection was a good one, culminating in a Queen medley. (It made Lehr and I proud that Eli knew all of the Queen songs way before he started playing them in class.)

Dance The Night Away

Another year of middle school, another middle school dance!

 

Eli was just as willing to attend this year's dance as he was last year. With the theme of 'Hawaiian luau', he wanted to get some new threads. (As much as we love the uniform part of private school, it means his non-uniform wardrobe is pretty lacking.) The night of the dance, Eli and Drew spent time playing whiffle ball in the backyard (after they were dressed and ready to go). It's not likely the girls took the chance of messing up their look so close to the event, but there is the great divide between middle school boys and girls, right?

The 7th grade boys all gathered at one family's house a few hours before the dance with the intention of eating there (catered tacos) and walking over together. This was SUCH a great idea (and so generous) by the host family, as it allowed several boys who likely wouldn't have come to the dance to feel 'safe' to walk in without the fear of not finding a friend.

The boys ate and hung out and generally behaved themselves very well prior to the dance. I came to take photos before they left and was pleasantly surprised to see the maturity level. Once at the dance, some of the girl-boy dynamics started to play out. We all remember this age: the girls are noticing boys big time and doing whatever they can to get the boys to participate in the social ritual of flirting and dating. Some of the boys were pulled into this and had 'dates' that they were shoved onto the dance floor with once or twice throughout the night. (Thankfully, Eli hasn't had the opportunity or desire to enter this yet. He is listening to our lectures though, as he said to me the week before, "Mom, I don't get why people our age think this is a dance where you take a date. I mean, NO ONE is driving anyone there or paying for their meal or anything...they are too young to date!")

Eli had a great time hanging out with his friends, and I couldn't resist taking this photo of him amidst all of his peers. It's very telling of his (non-phone-or-device-having) existence these days. Therapy bills will start to pile up any time now.

Middle School Dance

Eli had a blast at last year's dance, so it was of no surprise to me when he opted to attend again. He and Drew would, of course, arrive together. We didn't have to leave for the dance until 5:15, so there was plenty of time after school to shower and get dressed. For a middle school boy, this takes all of 10 minutes. With the remaining time, Eli and Drew played golf in the yard (and they may have fished a ball or two out of the creek.)

This year his class of boys met up at a nearby house for dinner before walking to the dance together. I got to show up in the middle of that to take pictures of the group of 24 before going to the dance for more photos of the event. I was impressed with how well behaved the boys were, especially considering that they are all 12-13 and there was a pool within arm's reach at all times.

The dance was a lot of fun, but there was more boy-girl 'drama' than last year. While Eli was aware of it, he wasn't a part of it, so he really tried to distance himself from it. As any prying mom would, I asked several different ways for more details the days leading up to and following the dance. As best I can tell, he really doesn't get the whole attraction to 'the chase', and is happy to find another person or group to hang out with when things start to get awkward and angst.

Eli is definitely the class clown...I'm not sure how much of it is him being the funny guy because he wants to be, or if it's a little bit of a defense mechanism for being picked on. I didn't witness any unfriendly interactions, but Eli's friends are all quickly growing taller and their voices are getting deeper. Unfortunately for him, he is not following their lead as of yet.

Middle School Soccer

At this time last year, we were getting ready to start Eli's first golf season. He enjoys golf, and he was very excited to have the opportunity to work more on his game, but truth be told, a spot on the golf team was a runner-up prize. After spending many afternoons on the fields of his middle school, attending every pre-tryout workout they offered, he had a week of official tryouts with no callback: he didn't make the team. And had he known that he wasn't going to make it, he may have played in the rec league, as he has since he turned 4, but the sign-ups and evaluations for that team passed prior to this. At the end of the day, Eli had a great golf season and really enjoyed all the practices and matches.

With no baseball last spring, Eli returned to rec soccer and really found a new passion. He played again this last fall, and when tryouts came up last week, he picked soccer over baseball, without hesitation. We talked through the tryouts each day, with Eli reporting how he'd performed and his perceived ranking in the pool of players. At the end of the week-long tryout, Eli was rewarded with a spot on the team. He was elated!

After only a few practices, the boys had their first game during which Eli had an assist! After the game, the coach picked three captains for the next game, Eli being one of them. What a huge honor! Since then, he's started many games, played more minutes than he hasn't, had a few shots on goal, and made some great connections with his fellow players, all while improving his overall skill. Eli is not the fastest kid, but he's learning how to use his sprinting speed and his (smaller) size to his advantage.