So Familiar

Last fall, a long-awaited film came to select theaters for a one night showing: To Joey, With Love. It was the work of Joey Feek's husband, Rory, chronicling the last few years of her life. I'd followed their story ever since their daughter was born, and was totally immersed in the last few weeks of her life as Rory shared them with the world on his blog. And while I had read his many blogs and already watched his many short video clips throughout that time, I was anxious to see the project he worked so hard on through such a hard time. Along with half a dozen other moms from my Gigi's circle, I bought a ticket and saw it. In short, the film was amazing. Such a hard story, but it was laced so thoroughly with faith and love and God. I was so happy to hear they opened up another night at theaters, so I went again and invited a different circle of friends because I had to share this touching story with as many people as I could.

When they released the DVD over the holidays, I bought one for myself, one for my mom and one for my mother-in-law. Again...gotta share. Because life is busy, it took almost three months of owning the DVD before I was able to find a night when I could sit Lehr and the kids down to see it. That night finally happened earlier this week.

You'd think I would be able to make it through, having seen it twice already, without so much waterworks, but no. This film, and story, definitely has a cumulative effect on me. My first viewing had tears, the second had more, and the third...I even got to step out for 30 minutes to get Ruby to bed right at the point that things got really real, but I was still a mess the rest of the time.

Besides the obvious reasons for the connection - who can't or doesn't want to connect with a story of a husband and wife's beautiful love story and who hasn't been touched by loss - this film hit me in so many places that were unintentional. Like I said, I've followed this family since Indiana was born because she has Down syndrome. But this movie isn't about that at all, so I didn't expect to tap in to that portion of my emotions.

But watching the movie, watching the footage of Indiana at days old, weeks old, months old...it all was so familiar. SO familiar. From the confused parental grief to the adorable facial expressions to the similar mannerisms that I never realized might be part of Down syndrome and not just part of Ruby....everything hit oh-so close to home.

And here's the thing I realize every time I've seen this film. Ruby is more alike than different when it comes to her typical peers, when it comes to her siblings. But she is also very alike some of her friends in the Down syndrome community too, in ways I never realized. Now there are so many cool things I see in other babies that I recognize from Ruby's babyhood. The baby eyes that just search out connection and don't break your gaze. The desire to connect with every person around them, bringing new meaning to the term 'outgoing'. So many awesome similarities in the sweet way they interact with peers, in an incredibly empathetic way. Almost every scene in this film brought me back to Ruby's early days...

So there you go - you'd think I was getting paid for this pitch! I just can't say enough good about this film and the gift the Feek family was given in Joey, especially during this time with the recording of events.

Stolen Moments

As usually happens when a new baby enters the house, things around here have been busy to say the least. And as stay-and-attempt-to-work-at-home mommy, my schedule is probably most affected. Gone have been the days of lounging around with the older kids, playing games or reading books or picking up for a picnic at the park at a moments notice. Not that any of us mind; we have been more than happy to make this shift in the name of Ruby. But I have missed reading with the kids before bed, running out for quick little 'dates', and playing outside after school with them like we used to. I think I'm still doing a pretty good job keeping them on track with their homework and making sure boo-boos are kissed and 'I love you' is said. And they are getting a lot of great time with Daddy, not to mention the serious bonding time with Ruby I'm racking up 4-5 times each day while she nurses, so no one is really 'lacking'. But I am missing my one on one, my intentional time, my time to just 'be' with Eli and Maddux.

This week has given us a turn-around in that department. Even though we had two baseball practices and a gymnastics class, this week has been a very intentional family week, specifically regarding the two older kids and me. I had a dinner with just me and the three kids, focusing on the oldest two. I started a chapter book with them at bed, and read (and snuggled!!) three nights out of four. I had a day off of camp and got up early to wake them both, snuggling in their beds for a few minutes before they got up, and then having breakfast together and walking them up to the bus. One day Maddux and I even got to flip through a girls' magazine together. She saw a page on how to do some fancy hairstyles, so we took 20 minutes and tried them out on her hair. Bam! Moments into memories.

And finally I got to do a full PT session AND throw the baseball with Eli on two separate days. Big time! I love playing catch and throwing practice pop-ups and grounder and line drives to my boy.  I remember when he was four and I'd play catch with him...I would always think about the time in the future when I could throw without fear of hitting him or without worry he wouldn't catch it. Those days are here and I lam happy, happy, happy.

Meeting Ruby

Eli and Maddux were so anxious to meet Ruby yesterday.....they missed her by minutes last night and were chomping at the bit to see her this morning. Even though they got to peek at her through the nursery glass before they left yesterday, it wasn't enough, understandably. This morning they showed up while she was still back with the doctors, but less than an hour of waiting later, in came Ruby and changed their lives forever. They were in awe and both so lovestruck. We let each of them hold her on the couch and they could not wipe the grin off of their faces. Eli said no less than a dozen times, "She's so CUTE!" and Maddux said "Awww" many times as well. These two are totally smitten and Ruby is one lucky little sister!

Here We Go Again

So I had my 35 week Midwife appointment two weeks ago. My belly was measuring small, so they did a quick ultrasound. Baby girl was fine and weighing 5lb 5oz, but they scheduled another ultrasound for two weeks later (today), to monitor her growth. This morning my belly was still measuring small and the ultrasound showed that she had only gained about 5oz. Sooooo they want me to come in tonight to be induced! This is very reminiscent of what happened when I was pregnant with Maddux, as I had to be induced for being 'small' then too. Grandma Cathie is flying in and will be here at midnight; Aunt Megan came over to stay with Eli and Maddux. Hold on, folks!!!

Big Brother Already

Obviously Eli was not old enough to be excited about or involved in the preparations for Maddux's birth. Since he wasn't yet two, the best I could get out of him was an identification of 'bee-bee' when he pointed to my large stomach. This time around though, he obviously gets it. And even though he was initially disappointed to learn that his newest sibling will be a girl, his excitement has remained since we first told the kids the news.

Now that I'm showing, he's reminded daily of her impending arrival, and he often pats or rubs my tummy and says something about the baby. Last week the kicks that I've been feeling for some time became big enough for others to see and feel as well. Eli was the first person to be able to feel her kick - he has been sure to tell others about this.

The absolute coolest thing so far happened this morning. The kids didn't have school today, so we spent some time this morning filling out the new baby book. Both kids were very involved in this and enjoyed giving me 'answers' to the blanks in the book. After we finished, Eli gave me his huge grin and said, "Mommy, I'm going to go to the store and buy something for the baby when she's born. I'll probably get Grandma Cathie to take me since you'll be with the baby, so maybe she can take me to Target and I'll use my own money and get the baby a stuffed animal or blanket. Or maybe monkey pajamas."

Be still my heart.

How awesome is he. And he even included the part about ELI being the one to pay for it, as we've often discussed this regarding gifts and how spending your own time or money on a gift makes it more special than spending Mommy or Daddy's money. Life is good.

Name Game

This last week we had our 'big' ultrasound and found out that we will be welcoming another GIRL into the family in June. Eli was initially disappointed, but he's adjusted well and now both kids are very excited to talk about her every day. One of the main things they like to discuss is names. Maddux has thrown in the name "Charlotte" and Eli has settled on "Bellatrix" (from the fifth Harry Potter book). Lehr and I remind them that we want them to keep suggesting names, but ultimately we get to decide. For now, he and I are calling her "Brunhilda".

Baby Talk

The kids are all about the baby. Every day they ask me and talk to me about all things baby: when the baby will be here, what we'll do with the baby, what the baby is doing right now.... My favorites recently:

• We were mountain biking as a family and at one point Maddux got off of her bike and waited for me to finish a single-track section. She commented how bumpy it was and asked if I liked it. I told her it was fun. She said (very seriously), "I know the baby had fun with it too."
• Eli asks me daily, "Are you sure you can eat that, Mom? You know, with the baby?"
• Several times when my shirt has lifted up to expose my growing stomach, Eli has giggled and said, "Mommy, I can see the baby sticking out!"
• Maddux often gets confused when she sees me eating something or thinks about me eating something. We've discussed that there are a lot of foods the baby can't eat for the first year or two, but most of the time she translates that to mean that I can't eat them now (since the baby is getting its food from me). 

The Big Reveal

So the news is out now: we are expecting another baby in June 2013. We held off on telling the kids until we were about three months around for a few reasons, one of them being the fact that once they knew, it would likely be public knowledge soon after.

The tough part (for me) was finding a time to tell them. During the week was basically out of the question because by the time Lehr gets home from work, we only have time for dinner, bath, and books before the kids have to be in bed. Since this was such big news for our family, I wanted to be able to tell the kids and allow some family time for it to sink in a little. That leaves the weekends, and those find me just running from one shoot to another these days. This last weekend we had another busy one, but I didn't want to wait any longer. The only way it could work was for us to skip church. (You might argue that we could just tell them after church Sunday and then have the afternoon together, but the weather is always so great on Sunday afternoons that we always end up playing outside with the neighbors.)

So Sunday morning we woke up and came down to have a big breakfast together (something I always miss out on because the three of them typically do that Saturday mornings when I'm gone). Before we started breakfast, we sat them down on the couch and I showed them the ultrasound picture. I was shocked when Maddux knew right away what it was (because she's seen it in her baby book). She thought it was one of herself though. I then explained that yes, it was a picture of inside my belly, and yes, there was a baby in the picture, but this particular picture was taken a month ago, not five years ago. Both of their jaws dropped right then and they grinned like crazy. Eli was so excited to find out that we would have a baby soon, and of course Maddux went into overdrive, telling us all of the things she will do with and for the baby.

Eli first thought the baby would be here in time for Christmas, and was a little disappointed to find out he'd have to wait until after school finished for the year. Next came lots of questions and concerns over what I could and could not eat. They quickly learned that the baby couldn't eat regular food for most of the first year, but for some reason, they translated that to mean that Mommy couldn't eat those foods either. The first thing they told me was, "You can't eat pancakes this morning then." I assured them that even though the baby is getting fed through the food that I eat, my body changes the food into baby-friendly food.

Have I mentioned how excited the kids are? Because they are really really excited. They had a million little questions and comments, but they were all really great and positive ones. As usual, right around lunch time we made our way outside and play ensued with many other neighborhood kids. Within minutes, our news was spread. And then next morning at school? Eli and Maddux told their teachers and friends right away.