all grows up

 you are growing up.

that's something that obviously happens for all people, but it's different with you. when i've noticed over the years that your sister or brother are suddenly 'so big', it usually catches me by surprise because it seems to have happened without me noticing. maybe because i've not watched, helped and prayed over the process in the same way.

you meet milestones, just as they have, but in your own time which may or may not resemble theirs. the awesome byproduct of your pace is that i rarely find myself saying, "it went so fast - i just blinked and suddenly they were walking/talking/reading". 

as a 'seasoned' parent with two high schoolers, i am all too familiar with the bittersweet way kids rapidly grow up. so this pace of yours is one that makes your growth something that can be enjoyed thoroughly without sadness over missing a stage that ended prematurely.

this pace also rarely allows for you to take me by surprise, so when you do, I relish in it. this week you spent no less than ten minutes a few days in a row, meticulously brushing and 'fixing' your hair in a very grown up way that i've not seen from you before. thank you for taking me by surprise.

Kitchen Time

Baking.

Cooking.

Preparing.

All of the food prep possible is happening in our house these days.

I'm doing even more than I usually do (I find comfort in preparing and having a few 'staples' around the house most weeks). And Maddux hops in and out of baking interest.

I love it when she does, especially because Ruby is usually more likely to join her in the kitchen (she gets tired of 'mixing' with Mommy sometimes).

Ruby usually goes back and forth between working with one of us and running over to her play kitchen and recreating what she just did.

I hope her desire to create food for people extends beyond the quarantine!

all grows up

this girl.

even when we might feel a bit plateaued in certain skills or stages, she keeps pushing through to the next thing, simultaneously surprising me and joining her typical peers' milestones.

our ride to school often includes an older friend. most mornings, the two girls exit my car in the carpool line, and our older friend is an extra set of eyes as ruby walks into school. on days without our friend, we usually park and i walk ruby to the sidewalk for the school where i stop and watch her enter the building.

this morning we had no friend in our car and ruby told me she wanted me to walk her in. but by the time we pulled into the parking lot, she was telling me that she wanted to "put on my backpack. get out of car. walk in myself." i confirmed with her twice as we pulled through the winding line, but she was determined.

sure enough, when I pulled up to the front, she kissed me, opened the door and hopped out, waving back at me. i lingered for a few seconds to watch and make sure she was doing the right thing, but i didn't have to: that girl walked straight into school without looking back or getting distracted at all.

so proud.

EP release

Big time.

Eli and his band, '99 Corolla (not HIS band, but the band he is in), released an EP this week on iTunes. Four original songs for the public's listening pleasure. To commemorate the event, they hosted an EP release party over the weekend. at said party, they performed about eight songs, only one of them not their original material. (Long live The Meters.)

I keep saying it, and I hope that I keep saying it: I love the opportunity and experience that Eli has in regards to '99 Corolla. The work ethic, the integrity, the passion, the collaborative effort, the friendships...it has all been in the black. I could not have picked a better 'first band' experience for him if I tried, and I have to believe that having the baseline experience set the bar so high will help with Eli's expectations for himself and those he works with in future endeavors.

I only got a few videos:
Song 1
New Beach Song (my new fave! Not on iTunes yet)
PK
Cissy Strut Intros (this is a cover)
Beach Song (the crowd fave!)

growth

when I came back from my weekend away, you greeted me the most enthusiastically of everyone, not to my surprise. you missed me, and boy did i miss you (and your siblings, of course). but your joy in seeing me wasn't the best thing that morning. while I was gone you seemed to grow. not physically, but in your 'you' ness.

between school and therapy and developmental assessments, progress is often discussed. are you progressing on your IEP goals, are you progressing with your fine motor skills, is your speech progressing... yes to all of those, most of the time - you are progressing. what I witnessed the whole day after i returned was different. it was not simply progress.

the definition of progress is a movement toward a goal or stage, where growth is defined as development from simple to more complex, and is described as change in size.

what i've seen since returning is your speech growth: you're giving me so many spontaneous complete sentences, formed solely by your thoughts. you're showing me executive functioning growth with your completion of multi-stepped tasks that were more complex than usual. your focus and self-control is mature in a way i've not often seen for such long stretches of time. your thought process in what you choose to do and how you choose to execute it is deeper in ways that i can't quite put my finger on, let alone put into words.

what i'm seeing right now, ruby, is growth, and it is amazing to watch.

Halloween

We love Halloween. OK, I love Halloween. And any chance I can get to come up with a group costume for us is a total win. Eli was totally in this year, but then he and his friends started talking in early September about maybe hanging out together that night. He still wanted to dress up (and do a group thing!) and trick-or-treat with us, so he proposed going to his friend's halfway in. We agreed and forged on with a costume that would likely just be Lehr, Ruby and I. (Maddux does NOT want to be part of a group costume.)

Then a few weeks before Halloween, one of Maddux's friends from school suggested some of them get together to trick-or-treat. All of the sudden I was facing 'losing' both big kids in the same year. I did not sign up for that! We compromised and decided to let them go to a neighborhood around the corner, but only after they did the beginning of the evening with us. They agreed and moved forward deciding costumes with their friends.

Eli and I talked about it and decided he should suggest ghosts for his group. It's a cool enough costume without giving the impression that it took much thought or effort, and it was easy to pull off when you didn't want to wear it anymore. Maddux and her friends all made Care Bear costumes. They each had a great time with some freedom during the main event (a parents was driving around keeping tabs on them and both groups of friends were in the same neighborhood), but they also admitted that they weren't 100% that they wanted to do the same next year. (Score one for mom!)

So what did we dress up as? I really tried to think of something that wouldn't be as 'involved' this year, and that might not cost so much to create. We have always made/pieced together the costumes ourselves, but that can be as expensive as the 'real 'costume!

Sooo, I landed on ET. Ruby LOVES to ride on the front of Lehr's bike, and she looks like a little E.T. on there, so it seemed like a no-brainer. I decided on Elliot for Lehr (so he could ride the bike) and Gertie for me. Easy costume for Lehr and I, and I just had to figure out the face paint for Ruby. Lehr constructed the bike the weekend before while I practiced Ruby's face, and it all came together really well. She had a great time and still talks about being E.T. (Yes, she's seen the movie a few times and loves it.)

 Ruby had a lot of fun trick-or-treating and seeing friends from the neighborhood. She took advantage of having a bike seat to sit in for about 90% of the night, but that didn't stop her from getting candy from the many people that set up shop in their driveway (our neighborhood really goes all out!).

Leader In Training

Eli has long been one to tag along with Lehr during worship band rehearsals at the church. When he was a wee one, he would tag along and the older boys would tolerate play with him. When Eli got a little older, he would play drums with some of these older boys, and in recent years, Eli has joined some of these 'elders' at youth group and in the youth worship band. If you ask Eli, he will probably tell you he considers some of the 16-20 year old crowd more 'his people' than the ones his own age at church. That makes sense considering he spent a week with some of them serving at a camp last summer, and he spends countless hours each month in rehearsal with most of them.

Recently the youth group has started promoting a Student Leadership Team, to get some of the more seasoned and involved youth to work together to connect with and involve other youth in various ways. I love that Eli signed up for this team before even consulting us. We've always told him that while he has always benefited from having someone 'ahead' of him investing in him, he can (and needs to) turn around and do the same for someone younger than him.

Fast forward to this weekend when Eli's college friends wanted to make a video promoting Youth Sunday at our church. (This is an annual 'thing' where the youth run the show in the worship band, the sound controls, the lighting and production, the greeting and parking team...everything.) Eli and I brainstormed a few ideas and then he spent the day with two cool 'kids' making this video.

Go West, Young Man

This was a big summer for the big kids. We sent Eli and Maddux out west to see my parents and brother's family just before school resumed.

On an airplane. By themselves.

They did great, traveling together, and enjoying the spoils of having the head flight attendant watching out for them on their flights. And once they arrived, they lived it up for a full week with Grandma Cathie and Grandpa Jim. They spent almost all of their time with Uncle Jay and Aunt Ingrid and all of their cousins. They golfed, boated, paddle boarded, swam, kayaked, watched movies, went to an amusement/water park...the list was long.

Eli brought his go pro camera along and documented the whole trip, putting together this great video when he returned.

My Happy Place

Today was a good day. Like, a really good day. The big kids weren't even with me very much...what made it good was what they were doing while out of my house.

Maddux is in the summer of transitions. She's about to start middle school which means new opportunities with church and sports and youth group... so much at once! Regarding church, she gets to attend FUEL (the youth group for 6-12th graders), but she is also without a 'class' during the actual church service each week. When Eli is not playing in the band for the elementary kids' service, he sits with friends (or us, if we're lucky) in the big service. Maddux has already found a home, serving in the preschool area any time they will let her. Since we are always short on volunteers, they let her every week! She has such a heart for kids, especially the little ones, so she loves doing this. I asked her last week if she would ever come sit with me in the big service and she kind of wrinkled her nose and said, "Maybe one week, but only if we were here for both services so I could still work with the kids." Not at all a shock since anytime I try to find her at church, she is under a pile of kids on her lap, reading books and engaging them in songs.

Today my girl served with some littles (maybe 2-3 year olds?) alongside a family friend. I didn't know the friend was in there with Maddux until she ran up to me after the service. She could not stop raving about Maddux and how great she is with all of the kids, not getting frazzled when they are upset, but instead calmly meeting them where they are. She reminded me of all of the amazing ways God has blessed Maddux with the gift of serving others. "It was an honor to work with her today." There are so many times I see her with Ruby and think the same thing...

Maddux does not get this from me: our social IQ's could not be further from one another. I honestly feel it is an absolute God-given gift, the way she is able to connect with people and make them feel at ease. I saw it last week also when I drove her and a friend to camp each day. Maddux and her friend hadn't had many opportunities to hang out in many months, so I wasn't sure if the conversation would flow on the first day. But Maddux never missed a beat, sitting in the middle seat with her friend instead of the front (as she would prefer), asking her friend all kinds of great, specific and intentional questions about her summer, helping her to feel comfortable. I seriously drove the whole way with my jaw on the ground, in absolute awe at her social ease and intelligence.

On to the boy... It's no secret that music is something Eli loves. He's been playing drums since age two, and he's picked up the trumpet and guitar in the last two years. Even though he only started with the electric guitar just over a year ago, it's where he spends most all of his free time these days. This week he was listed as the lead guitar for the Sunday morning kids' services for the first time. He was SO excited. And when he went to rehearsal on Thursday night, Lehr said he was shocked at how well he had prepared himself and how well he played.

So this morning, Eli was at church by 7AM, rehearsing and then playing guitar in two services. Then he returned to the church about an hour later to set up and rehearse for the next week's camp. (At this camp, he'll be playing drums with another worship band.) In total, he was at church for about nine hours, worshiping with two different instruments and two different bands. His passion for those instruments right now is impressive. And in a house where music is king, it warms my soul to see him working so hard on it and holding his own so well.

Wisdom

Proverbs 3:13  "Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding."

I've noticed a lot of leaps in maturity with Eli in the last 6-12 months. For as long as I can remember, Eli's struggled with 'anger management' from time to time. And he's not our most empathetic child (even when he was an only child). But lately, he's been turning things around quicker, taking some responsibility for his actions, taking interest in caring for both sisters, and giving us snippets of 'wisdom' where life is concerned.

This is all very welcomed. Rest assured, there are still outbursts and, because he is a rising teen and a child in general, there is plenty of backtalk. But when it happens, he's more likely to come to us humbly and apologize or even just try to get back into our good graces. All of this gets my vote.

The latest installment of this happened a few weeks ago when Eli and I were discussing a musical item he wanted to save up to purchase. In the middle of our conversation, Eli dropped a wisdom-filled truth bomb: "If I work for something, I think I'm less likely to lose it."

So, apparently he does listen to us sometimes... If you need me, I'll be researching 'ways to retire from parenting when your oldest is 12', because I gotta go out on a high note and this might be my chance.

Eli's Big Trip

Eli received the coolest of invitations this summer: the chance to go to Ohio for a week as a praise band member and junior counselor for a summer camp. Beyond that, he would be traveling with a family from church and a few other kids.

Oh, and by kids I mean teenagers. Full on, 15+, all in high school and college teenagers. (Just as a reminder, Eli is 11.)

There is no real worry here; these teenagers are good kids, kids we've seen grow up and kids Lehr has spent a lot of time with in various capacities at church. But it is a whole week (SEVEN days) where Eli will not be with us, and with no means of communication. The mother traveling with them asked if Eli had a device (he doesn't) because she wanted to warn me that he wouldn't have access to call or text because the service at their camp is spotty at best.

The main job Eli had was to play drums in the worship band with the group of kids that he played with for VBX (most of the same songs too). When he wasn't doing that, he was helping the counselors out. I assume that mainly meant comic relief as the ages of kids attending were 3-5th grade. Hopefully that allowed for the campers to be able to related to Eli better since he is barely older and likely not taller.

Eli had a blast. An absolutely amazing time. He was quick to tell us that his curfew was midnight each night, that the campers had to be in their cabins with their counselors at 10, but he and the band and some others got to stay up later around the campfire and playing basketball and whatnot. I think he could have slept for a week when he returned! So much growing up in such a short time!

Eli's Baptism

Eli was away at camp this week; this particular camp is a very bare-bones Christian camp that we've come to love. Last night Lehr and I got to run out for a quick dinner date. Towards the end of the night a call came through on my phone from a number I didn't recognize. Thankfully I picked it up because it was the pastor at the camp calling to inform me that Eli had chosen to be baptized at the end of camp the following day.

So. Cool.

So we drove up in anticipation of seeing our boy publicly accepting Christ. Eli and a few other boys each took a turn walking into the pool with different counselors before praying, exchanging words and dunking. So so cool. We didn't see this coming, so it was even cooler than I could have imagined.

 

UPDATE: It took me a year to figure it out, but I wanted to get something for Eli to commemorate the life changing decision he made. He received a leather band from Lehr and I this summer with the following words etched into it:

07.14.16   I will walk in Your truth   Psalm 86:11

Eli loves it and has worn it nonstop. 

Freedom by Bike

We've been taking the kids mountain biking since before I was pregnant with Ruby, and both kids have always had an interest in riding around in the street. Recently though, Eli has noticed a few kids his age riding bigger bikes with gears. As he's navigated the trails, and the hills in our neighborhood for that matter, he's started to realize the reason for those gears. A few weeks ago he started talking seriously about saving up for a mountain bike with gears. A few extra chores put him over the amount he may need (combined with his savings) to buy a used bike. Because Lehr is an awesome dad, he combed the Craig's List ads and found a few that would work. After one fall through, Eli found a seller that would let him come test drive.

Eli is in LOVE with his new bike. As he's now able to ride through the neighborhood with more ease, he wants to explore more. Our rule has always been just our street, but Eli worked hard over the weekend to earn some trust (and put in plenty of practice on the new bike), so he had his boundary extended a bit. He's gone on a few bike rides through the neighborhood with his friend, Drew, and he's gone on several solo ventures too. Eli always brings his walkie talkie (with me at the other end) and his watch. When he leaves for his ride, and when he comes home, he is absolutely beaming with excitement and pride. I think he is so impressed with himself that he can bike that far (physically) and that he's grown up enough to do it on his own.

Maddux is also in the new-bike club. Drew fixed up and gave Maddux his old bike, which is the perfect size for her. (Sidenote: he told his mom he wanted to give it to her because she (Maddux) always gives other people things and tries to make them happy. Love. Him.) Maddux has not quite earned enough trust to leave our street, but she is still enjoying the new found abilities she has with her geared bike.

First Day of School

What a day! I would have loved to seen the first hour or so of each kids' class this morning; I know each kid had such excitement and wonderment in the first moments. Eli and Drew walked Maddux and Davis to their classrooms before then visiting their first grade teachers and THEN going to their new classrooms. (Oh, the busy life of a seasoned student.)

Maddux told us she had a great day; she sat with William on the bus to start it off, which was a treat. She loved everything else: eating lunch with friends and learning new things in the classroom. Her favorite part was music - she sang me a song they learned, complete with hand/body motions. And when the bus pulled into the neighborhood, she leaned put her head to the window and yelled out "HI, MRS. MARJORAM!" to one of our friends. That girl..... Oh, and her backpack was full of supplies, so it was weighing her down on the way to the bus. She totally 'turtled' at one point and fell backwards before we left. On the way up the hill, she could barely run...love it.

Eli had PE, which he said was kind of boring because it was all 'first day stuff'. He did say that he read a lot already though, which he seemed to be excited about.

Both kids were tired after school, but nothing I didn't expect. I was prepared for meltdowns and that never happened. We definitely got moody around dinner time, but 7PM found lights out and at 7:08 I checked on them and they were both snoring. Life is good.

Wonders

WOW! Just when I think the kids aren't getting any of the responsibility/values/'stuff' Lehr and I are trying to teach them, they shock us and show us they are listening and they ARE getting it.

Tonight we had our usual dinner as a family and then cleared a few dishes off of the table. At this point Lehr and I got sidetracked looking outside at the yard and stopped what we were doing to go out and walk through a few details for the project we're working on. The kids waited patiently while we did our thing, coming outside a few times, but mostly staying in. They called to us once or twice, telling us we needed to come in so they could show us something. When we finally did go in, they yelled 'Surprise'. They had cleaned up the kitchen table, emptied dishes, napkins, mess, and cleaned the floor and table. They even put the fruit bowl back in the middle of the clean table when they were done. All as a surprise for us. Amazing.

Just Sit Back and Relax

So we have ups and downs with both kids. Eli gets a bit 'unpredictable' when he is low on sleep and Maddux is going through a phase that I can't quite name because it encompasses so many *fun* aspects. For this post I am throwing all of that out the window and will shamelessly explain what just happened before bed.

At Eli's request, the book tonight was the Bible, specifically his Action Bible. Last night he read about the birth of Jesus with Lehr, so tonight we tackled when Jesus went to the Temples in Jerusalem when he was 12. Eli asked a few questions, and we moved on to the Orange Parenting video for the week. (I have the app on my phone and the kids absolutely love it...so do I!) This video was about struggling with having and wanting 'stuff', and how stuff is fine as long as it doesn't become more important than people or Jesus. We had barely turned off the phone when Eli said, "I think I will just keep four of my presents at Christmas and then give the rest to the family." (Sidenote: during the reading or the video, we talked about the opportunity we've been given on Christmas day to deliver food to a family who needs it. This is 'the family' Eli is speaking of.)

So of course my mouth is hanging open and tears are welling in my eyes and I want to say, "Oh sweetheart, you don't have to give up your presents." But I don't; I let him keep talking. "Mom, I think what I'll do is open the presents, and then I'll pick four to keep and bring the others, like maybe legos or books or cars, to the family when we bring them food." I take a deep breath and tell him that his idea is awesome and that I love his heart. I didn't want to make him sign a contract binding him to it, but I also wanted him to think about it more and hopefully go through with it, but of his own free will. I asked him to pray about it and remember that on Christmas morning. At this point Maddux says, "Mom, I think I'll do that next year. Not this year, but definitely next year." I told her that was fine and that it was a great idea no matter what year it was. But a few minutes later she changed her mind and said she wanted to bring some presents too, but she wanted us to wrap them back up so that the kids could open them for themselves. I then reminded the kids that we didn't know what family we'd be delivering to yet, and they might not have kids the same age as them. Eli said then he'd just bring the gifts back home and give them to someone else.

I fully realize that as amazing and generous as this conversation was, the thrill and shiny new of Christmas morning may change things. But it was a conversation prompted by the kids and I am choosing to see it as a step in the best possible direction. I think I'll go to bed right now and end my day on the best possible note.

First Lost Tooth!

Sometime towards the end of summer vacation, the kids and I were at the pool practicing kick-turns when Eli, somewhat nicely, complained that Maddux had kicked his mouth underwater and that his tooth now hurt. Nothing appeared to be wrong that day, but a few days later we noticed it was a little loose.

Since then, Eli has played with that tooth non-stop, and yesterday it was full-fledged 'fleeing'. He could bend it all of the way down. I didn't see it yesterday when he showed me that trick, but today, when he got off of the school bus, Eli was missing a tooth, but he'd gained two new ones popping through behind the baby teeth. His bottom front two adult teeth both seemed to have broken through overnight, and with that, they pushed the loose one out.

Eli tells us it happened as he was running on the track at school (they run for 10 minutes each morning). He didn't even notice it fall out, so it is lost somewhere on the track. In my book that meant no trip from the Tooth Fairy (especially because he never even brought that up), but what it did mean was a special trip to a local, fru-fru cupcake shop for a special after school snack to celebrate. Eli is already working on the other front tooth...

Book Worm

I know there are many first graders who read faster and 'better' than Eli, but he's come a long way, even in the last few summer months. Each day he reads to me for at least 10 minutes, and then I read to him. The words he needs help on are becoming fewer and farther in between, and I rarely have to help him twice with the same word. Love that boy!

Kids Slumber Party

Last night each child slept at a friend's house for the first time. How did we get here? Lehr cooked up a great idea to try and get a few house errands done (You know the kind. The ones you *try* to do with the kids but end up arguing and getting after the kids the whole time, accomplishing nothing but putting everyone in a sour mood.) While our original plan of a baby-sitter at the house with the kids for about 24 hours so we could knock out our list didn't pan out, one quick errand and a late dinner was still possible.

Eli went to Bryce's house. So fun. An added bonus was D's presence, which always makes it more fun. It sounds like the boys had a great time, great dinner (and dessert), short sleep, and a good morning before Lehr picked him up at 9:30. Maddux stayed with Finley and family. Even though the girls are close in age, they take on very opposing roles when they play: Maddux likes to be the 'mom' and Finley is happy to be the little girl. This translates to Maddux doing everything for Finley and probably bossing her around a bit. Oh joy! It sounds like the girl had a great night as well. Neither kid appeared to even give us a second thought as they spent the night away from us. That's a good thing, right?

All Grows Up

I know I've titled blogs like that before, but this time I REALLY mean it.

This morning I made the kids pancakes for the last mid-week pancake breakfast before school starts and then we went to the river. I packed their bikes in the back so they could ride the flat trails along side the water while I walked/ran with them. The last time I did this was probably late May, and the rocky, uneven ground was too much for either of them. Today, Eli had no problems whatsoever.

Eli took off from the second we got on the trails and looked like a pro. He had no problem handling the rocks and he was able to turn on a dime. I told Eli he could ride ahead, but to check back with Maddux and I periodically. He was amazingly obedient. Not only did he keep swinging back around to check on us, but I never had to remind him of it. And a few times we caught up to him; he had parked on the side of the trail and waited for us. It was like I was dreaming.

My favorite part of Eli's experience was at about the halfway point. He was really enjoying his freedom, you know the kind you can only find on your bike as a kid, and he got ahead of us. He waited just around a corner by a big-ish field of weeds and crickets. As I approached, he looked at me (still on his bike, with just a leg supporting him on the ground) and said, "Mommy, listen to those grasshoppers. That's beautiful. It's like they have their own rhythm." Then he tried to imitate it. All of this was done with a face full of contentment and wonder. I thought my heart would overflow.

I did fear I'd 'lost' Eli towards the end of our trip. Maddux and I hadn't seen him in a while and I was starting to get nervous. We passed a cool wood bridge that both kids really loved, so I took the girl and paced up and down it a few times, calling his name. No luck, so we returned to the main trail and picked up our speed. Just as he was supposed to be, he was turning back to find us a moment later. My heart took a while to calm down after that one. It's a real internal struggle when they are growing up and you know you need to extend their boundaries, but it's oh-so hard...

Maddux did not fare so well on this trip. Her bike is harder to maneuver due to the training wheels, even though she's a speedster on it. Add to that the whine factor that has been her existence for the last two weeks, and it made for a pretty miserable time. Honestly, if it hadn't been for the great experience Eli had, the trip would have been a wash. Maddux and I agreed that next time we'll bring the BOB so I can push her while Eli rides.