$#*%

Seriously...that's all I can say.

I'm going to warn everyone first: this post is not for the faint of heart. What happened to me today shouldn't happen to any mom anywhere, anytime. The only good spin I can put on the situation is the knowledge that I truly earned my mom status today. Everything started fine; Eli and I went to his 1-year doctor appointment this morning. (BTW - Eli weighs 19lb. 2oz. and is 30 1/4" long. Also the doctor says he's "smart". Should you agree, continue reading and you might change your mind.)

When we returned home, Eli and I played and then I put him down for a nap. He played in his crib for about 15 minutes and then cried a little, but nothing out of the ordinary. I always leave Eli's door cracked a little so I can check on him once he's quiet, to make sure he's asleep. Never have I been more glad to have such a routine. I peeked in Eli's room and noticed him lying on his blanket, apparently sleeping. The room was dim, so nothign appeared out of the ordinary except for a strange smell. I peeked my head in further to see if the smell was indeed coming from the room. Just as I realized it was I caught sight of the crime scene. (I did take one picture after Eli and his blanket had been removed, but Lehr has forbidden me from posting it.) Excrement was everywhere, including coating my son from waist up.

After about a minute of shock, I kicked into mommy-mode and grabbed Eli and his blanket out of the bed. I threw him in the bathtub and started the water. After I had the pieces (are you grossed out yet?) cleaned off of him, I emptied the water and rinsed out the tub and then filled it again so he could bathe. Luckily his nursery is right across the hall from the bathroom, so I left him in a little bit of water so I could start in on the nursery. (Note: I never leave Eli in the bath alone, and I assure you I ran back and forth every few seconds if/when I couldn't see his little head poking up over the bath's edge.) The amount of detail cleaning I had to do was unbelievable. Every slat, every underneath of the top rail, every nook and cranny. The sheet didn't make it; it went directly into the trash. Eli's beloved blanket (which he's screaming for in his crib right now) is still in the wash; it's touch and go. Two hundred diaper wipes, 1/2 roll of paper towels and countless sprays of Clorox Hard-Surfaces Bleach later, his nursery is clean, but I am officially wiped out.