Monday, September 07, 2015

I Don't Know How You Do It

2 Corinthians 9:8  And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

Before I had Ruby, I said it all of the time: "I don't know how he/she does it." I said it when I saw a parent of a special needs child, I said it when I heard about a spouse with a terminal diagnosis, I said it whenever there was a situation that sounded too hard for me to handle.

Then Ruby came along. And in the hospital that first night (and likely the second), I still said it to myself: "I don't know how to do this. I can't do this. It's not who I am."

Over two years later, people say it to Lehr and I still...sometimes with their words, but often by what they don't say. They say it because it seems like we've figured it out (whatever it is). I don't find this offensive, because I still say or think it when I hear about someone else facing something that scares me. But what I have learned, through Down syndrome and now Leukemia, is that the whole "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle" saying is true.

And false.

It's true that sometimes God puts us on a path that puts us outside of our comfort zone to help grow us. Most people over the age of 30 can look back and see examples of that throughout our lives. Things that we thought we wanted, only to realize it was to our detriment. Things we didn't want only to realize how necessary it was.

But stuff happens in life that challenges us, stuff that is hard, stuff that's 'not fair', even stuff that's not at all of God. I don't think the hard stuff, or even the bad stuff, is always intentionally given to us. I don't think God gives us everything that happens on earth. (But I do know He makes everything work for His glory. I do know He can take the scary stuff and use it in amazing ways.)

And then there is the part of that saying: " can't handle". That part is wrong, regardless of if your current situation is of God or not. None of us can handle anything, even the good stuff, on our own. We just can't; we will mess it up because we're human.

I think the more common saying should be "Nothing happens on this earth that God can't handle", because that is something I can say and mean. When people say "I don't know how you do it" to me now, I want to tell them that anyone could do it. Anyone could face anything. Seriously. What we are going through with Ruby is scary on top of scary...two diagnoses that shook me to my core before they happened to me. But we're not scared....not really. Not the way I am when I hear about something happening to someone else. And trust me when I say that my lack of real fear is not because I somehow 'know' how to do this. It's because He does and He is walking us through. One day at a time, baby.

1 comment:

JEN said...

Thank you for this post Nicole!!