Thursday, September 14, 2006

Rock-A-Bye Baby

I just realized that I am going to be away from Eli for over 36-hours this weekend (My two-day walk has finally arrived.), and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. I'm not concerned that Eli will freak out due to my absence. I'm not worried about Lehr's parenting skills. It's not even being away during the day that has me sad; when we visited Tahoe in the spring I was away from Eli for ten-hours a few days. It's the night-times that have me feeling perplexed. I have never slept away from Eli and it's hitting me harder than I thought it would. It's really silly that I'm making a big deal out of this; he sleeps through the night so from 8PM until 7 or 8AM, so in those hours I never see him anyway...

As I was thinking about sleeping away from him for two whole nights I recalled the first night in the hospital after he was born. Eli was born at 8:28AM, so we had plenty of time to hang out before bedtime rolled around that night. At midnight Lehr and I decided to put Eli in the hospital nursery for two hours so we could get some sleep. We were both exhausted and I knew I wouldn't get any rest knowing no one was standing over Eli making sure he was still breathing. Ironically, as soon as Eli left the room I was unable to shut my eyes. I couldn't sleep knowing he was not with me, which was odd because looking back I don't think I really 'got it' yet (the love/bond thing). I think I dozed for a total of 20 minutes before I finally went and got him again at 2AM. So here I sit thinking about the upcoming weekend and wondering how I'll sleep knowing Eli and I are separated by many miles.

Ridiculous, I know. Random, I know. But as Lehr can tell you, my thoughts usually have about six degrees of separation. Sometimes (much to his *delight*) I ask him a random question or share an out-of-the-blue thought with him and then explain to him how I got there. For this random though the issue of sleeping away from Eli came to my mind as I was considering bringing some Tylenol PM to the hotel tomorrow night. I often have a hard time sleeping (no clue why), and I want to be sure to get enough rest for my walk. Then I started thinking about how I was going to sleep in general without Eli in the next room.... Random thought over (for now). I promise.

2 comments:

Courtney said...

You are the image of fitness...very cool that you are doing the walk for breast cancer. I wear my pink bracelet everyday b/c I have a co-work who is going through a second round of chemo b /c she has breast cancer. She is a mother of two boys, age 5 and age 1.

If I had know, I would have donated money to you! Let me know when you need it again.

Stephanie Wilson she/her @babysteph said...

I hope you were able to sleep and did well in your walk! You are such a great mom!