I Never Want To Do That Again

That goes for most of the day. I never want to hear the door leading to the garage slam shut followed by a child crying. I never want to open said door to hear a cry I've not heard before. I never want to pick up my child thinking they are ok only to find myself covered in blood minutes later. I never EVER want to hear Maddux call for me (even though I was holding her) in the sad way she did in the minutes immediately following the door closing. I never want to smudge the buttons on the phone with blood as I start calling Lehr, and then neighbors, before finally deciding on 911. I never want the fire department to pull into my driveway again. I never want to take an ambulance ride to the ER again. I never want to hold my child's arm down while part of her finger is stitched back on. I never want to hear her cry of pain the first time she bangs the finger on the floor after the pain meds wear off. And I never want to see the sad look in her eyes when she goes to comfort herself with her thumb before bed only to realize she can't access it because of bandages.

Whew.....I'm struggling for words right now because the day from 1PM on has been such a jumbled, scary mess. The crazy part is, until about 15 minutes ago, it wasn't too scary for me. That weird calm came over me while everything was happening, but my body is now literally pulsing with the adrenaline finally exiting and the fear and shock of the day's events settle in. Maddux's finger got shut in the door between our garage and house. A very heavy, 30-year old wood door. When I opened the door and reprimanded Eli for shutting it before she could come in, she was crying, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I should have known because her cry is one that now will not leave my head...it was different. But we'd had a busy, tiring morning, so I thought she was just overtired and sensitive. About a minute after I picked her up, there was blood all over my shoulder and her hand, but I still thought it was 'just' a fingernail issue. Once I got her to the sink, I saw how the tip of her finger (from the bottom of the nail up) was separate from the rest of her finger. Very very separate. I started to call a neighbor to get Eli so I could drive Maddie to the doctor (obviously not thinking clearly)...mid-dial I stopped and decided to call Lehr first..stopped and decided 911 was necessary so I at least knew what to do with her until we got to the hospital. All the while, Maddux is crying her eyes out and calling "Mommy". (Another sound that I cannot escape right now.) Thankfully the bleeding was under control and a fire truck arrived quickly. They assessed and decided to wait for the paramedics to do anything to the finger. The paramedics said we needed to get to the hospital, and I asked if Eli could ride with us in the ambulance. They said to call a neighbor so I wouldn't have to deal with two kids at once. (Something I never considered in all of this.) A wonderful neighbor came and got him and Maddux and I were on our way.

While in the ambulance I called Lehr, just to let him know what we were doing (it still was not really setting in yet), and of course he came right away. The nurses and doctors were very gentle with Maddux and wrapped her finger right up to protect it while they prepared to suture. She was given a type of anesthesia that made her relaxed and kind of loopey. Maddie was like a little drunk person: she was slurring her words and she thought everything was funny. (Lehr got a few seconds of video on his phone.) Then we wrapped her up in a papoose to keep her still and secure. The hardest part was the initial lidocain...they had to inject it into her finger, but once it was in, she felt nothing. I did have the job of holding her arm down while they stitched. I did not watch because I knew I couldn't handle that. I felt a lot of pressure though, and the thought of what was happening makes my stomach turn. The tip of the finger 'pinked up' right away, which was a great sign and she got a new and improved gauze bandage. She EVEN got an orange Popsicle to celebrate her bravery. Then we had to wait for an hour or so to do X-rays (to make sure nothing was inside or broken) and to get our walking papers. Maddux was back to her old self in no time. A few anti-biotic prescriptions and some pain meds and we were out of there. She will not be in the pool for a while (at least a week), but besides that, a full recovery is in her near future.

Funny story...considering all that was NOT funny. Maddux was only wearing a pair of semi-wet shorts when this happened. We spent the morning in some fountains, and I'd already taken her wet shirt off. Then, after the door closed, she soiled herself. Given her hysterics, I wasn't able to change her until we were in the ER, close to an hour later. That meant her shorts were a bit dirty also. So by the time the first nurse saw her, she was already 'that kid', wearing nothing but a diaper.