Here We Are Again

Just one week ago Eli had yet another one of his infamous meltdowns. He got off of the bus happy, we had a great snack and 'post-school-talk', and then somewhere during the homework, he snapped. It happened as quickly as it always does; he asked me a question and I didn't give the answer he expected... One thing led to another with his meltdown and several consequences followed, angering and frustrating him more. I think that is the biggest struggle Eli faces right now: he is unable to calm himself down once he starts to realize the consequences of his actions. They anger him more, bringing on more consequences.

Now in a perfect scenario, these meltdowns start and end in his bedroom. I'm able to state my expectations for him and leave him to it. He may whine, yell, or stomp around, but he WILL come around. Once I'm out of sight, the fight is gone and he turns it around on his own. It's when these things happen in another setting, where I can't leave him alone (like the car, or a store, or another part of the house where Maddux and I are).

Today was particularly rough and, for the first time ever, I left him in his room (at 5:15PM) to stay for the night, without dinner. As expected, this was not received well by Eli and I actually had to hold the door closed so he couldn't get out. (Seriously, how awful does THAT make you feel as a parent?! To basically lock them in their rooms because they are so out of control you're worried the damage they'll do to themselves or others....horrible.) About five minutes (five L.O.N.G. minutes!) after I closed the door, he went silent, indicating that he had fallen asleep. Heartbreaking. I know I've said it before, but this parenting stuff is so NOT for the weak! Even though I knew that it was what needed to happen for Eli to calm down and stop hurting himself, me and the house, it caused all sorts of conflicting emotions in me. Had it been Maddux, I could have held her until she calmed down and then dealt with it. But Eli is so out of control in those moments, emotionally and physically, that everyone seriously must keep an arm's length distance away from him.

In the end, he woke up a few times before I went to bed, but not in the mood to discuss it, so we just got him back to bed where he immediately fell back to sleep. Lehr and I, of course, did not sleep well.
The next day Lehr and Eli had a big talk in the morning. It was well-received, as it always is after Eli calms down. Then after school, he and I had another talk. Consequences were discussed and carried out and all was right with the world. The remainder of the week was smooth as silk. The boy seriously could not have been more caring, loving, or obedient.

As expected, this outburst left me in a tailspin, questioning all parenting decisions Lehr and I have made up until now. In the end, I know most of what we're doing is right (for our family), but something is causing such anger in that boy and we are unable to figure it out.