Starting a few weeks ago we started becoming aware of a few trust issues where Eli was concerned. With each one, we felt we dealt with it swiftly, calmly, and very fairly. However, things kept happening, and he continued to break our trust. That culminated in this week when, twice in two days, Eli was MIA, out of our house. The first time it was as easy as he was in the front yard when I was looking in the back yard and vice versa, but he was being sneaky and disobedient. Big talks, removal of privileges that depended on our trust in him. The very next day (not 24 hours later!!) Eli left our house and walked close to a mile away. Let that sink in, because it still hasn't with me. He is FIVE. He wasn't running away. My very methodical and practical child had a plan of action and an end place in mind. However he and I had just discussed this plan (the end point, not the walking) an hour earlier and the answer was 'no', mainly due to the previous day's actions. Thankfully I became aware of his absence almost immediately and was able to drive to his end location and pick him up before any harm was done. But there were no words...there are STILL no words to describe the fear and helplessness I felt in that time. And it got worse once I had him safe at home and realized that he had done this all on his own.
As much as Eli is a regular kid who disobeys (as obvious in this post!), he is very Type-A, he is a rule-follower and enforcer, and he likes boundaries. He is the child who will still come ask me if he can use the bathroom in the middle of the night instead of just going. He is the kid who doesn't leave our side in large public places for fear of getting separated from us. So now Lehr and I are thrust into the world of parents who have been made aware that they actually DON'T know their children as well as they think. That was a club I was hoping to avoid joining until at least Jr. High....
So, consequences, removal of privileges, many many many many talks and lectures. This morning gave me hope. On the way to church, the kids and I were talking and having a great time. Lehr was not with us because he went in very early to prepare for the worship set he was playing. Eli kindly told me, "Daddy said I could go early with him next week." (Eli usually does go in, but that is a big kid privilege, so it did NOT happen this morning.) I reminded Eli that as much as Lehr loves having him go in early with him, it probably wouldn't happen for a while because he (Eli) had broken our trust. Then I talked a little more about what that meant and how long it takes to build that trust back up again. (This was really a conversation and not a lecture; I promise!) I reminded Eli that it takes several times of trusting someone to build up trust, but just one time to break that trust. This morning Eli got up from bed, went to the bathroom and then went back to his room to play (as we expect him to). I told him that his actions this morning showed me that I could trust him, and that type of behavior would help build up trust again. Not a minute later from the backseat I hear, "So I need to build up like blocks to a building."
Hello, God...Thank you!!
"Yes!! That's exactly what I'm saying, Eli! Each time you show me I can trust you, you build up one more block and we need to build a big building of trust to do the 'big kid' stuff. And when you do something that shows I can't trust you..."
"...I knock the whole building of blocks down."
Wow. I'm so not the one in control of this conversation...it is taking all of the right turns and I am utterly amazed at the work God is doing.
So so so excited that Eli is (hopefully!) understanding this now. These past few weeks have really scared me and I'm hoping we build that building up again soon.
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