Hurt

Every kid gets hurt in sports at some point, and tonight was by no means the worst it will ever be. But now it's starting to feel worse than it did when he was younger, even though he probably got hurt more then....

Eli took a really hard fall and got piled on by his entire basketball team towards the end of practice. It was all I could do to not run out onto the court and scoop him up into my arms. When the coach pulled all the kids off of him, he laid there on the ground, crying into his hands flat in front of him. It broke my heart, but I still hesitated to go out and get him.

Why? WHY did I hesitate? How silly is that?

But there are always those moments in parenting that make you second guess your initial instinct. For me, I felt frozen between my desire to make sure he was ok and comfort him and the realization that he's in that weird place the boys always end up in where it's no longer cool or even ok to show pain or to allow your mom to comfort. In the end, I jumped up right away, but took a step and stopped, took another two and stopped...continuing this silly pattern until I was at his side. I convinced him to go over to the sidelines with me to sit out for a few minutes. First he told me he wanted to go home, through tears, but once I realized that his injury was not from a broken bone, I encouraged him to stay and support his team for the remainder of practice, which was only another 10 minutes or so. He ended up going back on the court and playing a little bit, but then returned to me because his wrist was still bothering him.
When we got into the car we talked about it; the fall, the pain, him going back out. I apologized to him for not rushing out right away, as much as I wanted to. Then I asked him if he would want me to also, and my heart melted when he told me yes. Oh how I love that sweet sweet boy. I love love love that he wanted me out there helping him. And I will not hesitate next time..I will NOT. Eli still wanting and needing his mother's comfort when he's hurt reminds me of how 'young' my growing boy still is, even for his age. Eli has always played well with older kids, but he is younger emotionally and in wisdom of the world. How my heart already breaks for the many times that his innocence will be lost through teammates teasing him or kids at school or just life.... I love how 'protected' he has been so far from those rites of passage, but knowing they will come (because that's real life) makes me sad. Some hurts I will not be able to fix...