Seesaw

Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

I asked to observe Ruby's class this week, in preparation for her upcoming IEP meeting to determine our plans for next year. Can I just say that I love the class she is in. I love her teachers. I love her therapists. I love her peers. I love that Ruby loves school. I love that she knows what to do, where to go, and what is expected. I love the independence they have helped her develop. I love that she is in a place that includes and invites her, a safe place where she can be who she is. Everything about that class makes me so so happy, every day. (Even when she doesn't have a great day.)

But it is a bubble. A very awesome but modified and carefully thought out and aided bubble. And I choose to not dwell on that part most days, but in light of decisions that have to be made for next year, I do need to intentionally remember that reality.

So I am currently on a seesaw, alternating between being amazed by and thrilled with the significant progress she's made in areas of independence and speech and fine motor skills, and also painfully aware that it's still not 'enough' to put her on a level playing field with her typical peers. (Peers that would make up the vast majority, if not the entirety, of her Kindergarten class next year.)

Do we send Ruby to Kindergarten next year? She has come so far in less than a year of Special Needs Pre-K, and she still has 3/4 of a year left. She knows her school and is able to walk the halls and play on the playground. She loves the routines that are typical for a classroom: put away your lunch, hang your backpack, pick a classroom job, go to your seat and start working.

Or do we hold her back? She is on the younger end of things. She does struggle with impulse control. While she loves school, she does sometimes have a day where 'no' is the answer of choice. She does struggle to wait her turn in group settings.

If we hold her back and she stays in her class, she will not be exposed to any new material. And while her speech and writing cannot demonstrate her comprehension, her receptive understanding of all things necessary (numbers, colors, words, objects, family members, calendars, etc.) is up to speed. So will she be bored (re: have behavioral issues) if we hold her back? Or do we roll the dice and try a typical Preschool class instead, to give slightly different content? That's a scary one for me right now, because of how much I've seen her thrive in SNPK over her typical experience.

Up and down. Every day. The ups are really great though, and for now they are very much outweighing the downs. But, with the IEP looming, we do have to stay on that seesaw and take the 'bad' with the good.