Joy

She lives her life out loud. 

So full of joy and laughter.

Even in these times when she rarely gets to leave her yard, she exudes joy!

Kitchen Time

Baking.

Cooking.

Preparing.

All of the food prep possible is happening in our house these days.

I'm doing even more than I usually do (I find comfort in preparing and having a few 'staples' around the house most weeks). And Maddux hops in and out of baking interest.

I love it when she does, especially because Ruby is usually more likely to join her in the kitchen (she gets tired of 'mixing' with Mommy sometimes).

Ruby usually goes back and forth between working with one of us and running over to her play kitchen and recreating what she just did.

I hope her desire to create food for people extends beyond the quarantine!

Breaking Out

We've been stuck inside a lot. Inside our house, and inside of our neighborhood. We are so blessed that we've had the option to walk around our neighborhood to get some fresh air, but at this stage of the quarantine, we are desperate for some new scenery. 

So Ruby and I took the car for a drive around some 'empty' spaces today. 

We ended up at a field I've shot some photos at before and it was a welcomed adventure. 

Ruby had a great time looking for flowers and playing in the tall grass. (No snakes today, thankfully!) 

It was just what we both needed.

Drive In Wedding

And here we are, celebrating yet another milestone that has had to drastically change during these crazy times. We've known the bride and groom since they were in elementary school. We've had the pleasure of working with them in the areas of music and photography and general church youth things. Their wedding was planned before COVID was what it is now, but rather than let that get them down or cancel their wedding, they just shifted and made an unforgettable drive-in wedding. 

Maddux and Ruby were still part of the wedding party that walked down the outdoor aisle, only to return to our car. 

Eli and Lehr were dapper guests, dressed to the nines. 

(I was shooting, so I was able to have a front row seat to the entire day.) 

It was not what the couple planned on, but I can say it is a wedding our family will always remember!

margin

whenever we find it in our busy schedule, i get excited and find myself breathing it in deeply.

the randomly discovered friday night or sunday afternoon that we end up riding our bikes on the beltline or playing in the yard is so coveted but so hard to come by.

when the spread of the virus reached the point that warranted school closing, our family went into shelter-in-place mode. ruby's lungs and immune system are inconsistently compromised, so we don't need to take any unnecessary chances. it's my opinion that if we are going to do this, let's do it all of the way.

the first week found us learning the new normal with school, work and play all taking place at home. there were some bumps along the way, but for the most part, we transitioned quickly and jumped right on board with the extra time to just 'be' as a family.

what that is currently looking like is breakfast and lunch with at least one other person, savored 'coffee' time (ruby drinks 'coffee milk' or 'fancy milk' in a mug with her pinky up), bike rides, family walks, evening foot golf in our yard, dinner together EVERY night, lots of family movie nights, random house organizations and yard projects, and chalk. so. much. chalk.

there was never a better time to have a new driveway and back deck - i am SO grateful that we were able to replace those two things in the last three years. they have made this time much more comfortable. and the timing of this life shutdown in our kids' lives is on-point. in another few years eli might be away at college, and maddux could be driving. having this happen while we are all under this roof still is a gift.

but most of all, i'm in awe of all of the margin we've been afforded. it's pretty much a 180-degree shift from our usual life, and as much as we love all of our music and sports and activities and therapies and gatherings with others, this never-knowing-what-time-it-is, nowhere-to-be, party of five lifestyle is working pretty well for us.

creature of habit

that's me. lehr can testify to the amount of things that i will accept and live with, simply because i always have. for example, we had an end-of-hose sprayer with ten different options of spray. all last year i only used two of the options because they were the only two that worked without significant leaking. even though I would have benefitted from having access to the other options, i never replaced it. maybe it was laziness, maybe cheapness, but mostly i just got used to it and accepted it for what 'normal' was. this is played out again and again in my life.

one might think that a great shift in 'normal' would be traumatic to a creature of habit like myself, but i find that most of the time, the idea of changing isn't something i welcome, but the actual change doesn't take long for me to adjust to. i think i don't resist once the change is inevitable because to do that would prolong the 'in limbo' part. that's the part where i feel a lack of ownership over the circumstances. like i'm driving someone else's car or using someone else's computer.

that's a long winded way to say that after a few days of being short on patience with my family (likely due to the underlying stress that we were (are??) feeling that first week with all of the uncertainty, all of us, even the creature of habit mom, have been able to find a lot of lemonade stands within this lemon farm.

big naked

you crack me up. daily, you crack me up.

for as long as i can remember, eliason kids have had to be reminded, 'no naked in the halls!'

you are no exception.

the other night as we were getting you ready for your bath, your shirt was off and you told me, "i'm little naked, mommy." i laughed and agreed. then, when your pants were off too, you grinned and said, "now i'm BIG naked."

Deja Vu

Strange times, eh?

I think we can all agree that there is at least some part of what is happening right now that is severely jarring to each and every one of us. While I definitely fall in the camp of 'sufficiently jarred', some of this feels a bit too familiar.

The hardest part of Ruby's cancer experience for me was the social distancing and isolation. Even as an introvert, there were many days when I found it very difficult to be confined to the AFLAC wing for a week, or confined to the whole hospital for a month, while we lived there. And the days when Ruby (meaning me too) was quarrantined to her hospital room only? Dark days.

When we were released to go home it was a little better because we were in our own familiar space, but we still had to wash our hands like crazy, limit external exposure to Ruby most of the time, and 'foam in and foam out' anytime we touched her, which was a lot because she was two years old! (By the way, I absolutely acknowledge that the fact that this was the hardest part is a HUGE blessing...it still blows me away that we were so fortunate that her health or health decline wasn't the hardest part.)

That was a hard seven months, but one thing that wasn't hard was knowing what to do when we were at home or at the hospital and something went 'wrong' with her health. Call the doctor and head straight to the hospital. No questions asked and I always felt confident that it was the best decision I could make if Ruby spiked a fever.

While this new or temporary 'normal' that we are living is difficult to navigate for those of us who love our free day-to-day lives, the other side of it is equally as hard: the health concerns. So many of us are tiptoeing around, sterilizing and distancing like crazy to protect our family members who are more prone, and to do our part to keep everyone safe so that we can all return to 'normal' as soon as possible. But underneath that task is the fear that it's not enough, and that the big bad virus will still get us.

My family, even Ruby, might be ok even if this thing shows up in my house, but my fears are about knowing what to do. Specifically what to do if one of us has symptoms requiring medical help? Last night I realized why that is such a big concern for me.

Every spring Ruby suffers from the seasonal allergies that plague so many of us when the yellow fog rolls in. For her it means some congestion, particularly in her chest, and random fevers. (I know..that doesn't make sense. I can't explain it, but she always spikes anywhere from 100-102ish fevers for short stints during allergy season. She gets sent home from school with 101, only to register 98 or 99 the rest of the day...sometimes she's otherwise fine, sometimes she's rundown. No rhyme or reason that we can find: it's baffling.)

That season just started in our neck of the woods, and last night Ruby kept getting out of her bed. Around 11, Lehr noticed she was warm, so he took her temp to verify: 102-degrees. We gave her some Tylenol and kept her in bed with us so we could monitor her through the night. Her breathing was really fast, so we decided to give her a nebulizer breathing treatment (she hasn't needed one since June!). Lehr measured her oxygen levels and they were fine, but the rapid breathing and heart rate was terrifying. Eventually it slowed down to a 'normal' speed, but while it was racing, I kept having a terrifying back-and-forth conversation in my head regarding calling the doctor. I know we should have, and would have under other circumstances, but that seemed like a scary option because I felt like they would send us to the hospital, and would that really be a good place to go right now? Especially because we didn't (and don't) suspect that she has the virus?

Oye...so much to think about. That was my long winded way of saying that right now it is hard for all of us to navigate everything, including health decisions about ourselves and our kids.

growing

you're growing up so fast, even though you grow slowly... all of the sudden you can reach all kinds of things you couldn't before, and instead of using a chair to help me make food on the island, you only need a step stool now.

and your curiosity is so big, and so awesome, and ever growing. you are always watching all of us and trying to do just what we do, and most of the time you can.

yes, you can, big girl.

West Trip

We don't often have the opportunity to travel west to see my family. After all, navigating all five of us through school and work schedules, air travel and then figuring out acccomodations between my brother and my parents (cars and lodging) is no small feat! But we snagged a great deal on plane tickets that lined up with a break from school for all three kids, so away we went!

It was great for us allto be together. My parents are usually able to visit us once or twice throughout the year, but this last fall's trip had to be cancelled. And we don't get to see my brother and his kids nearly enough (because he would have to do the same 'navigating' we face). 

The time with all of the cousins together was amazing. My nieces and nephew are aged perfectly between Eli and Maddux on one end and Ruby on the other. They adore and look up to my bigs and can also hang with Ruby. 

We spent a whole week playing in their basement, taking trips to parks, making and eating ALL of the food (11 people require a lot of food!). 

We even got to ski twice and go ice skating!

The last day found us participating in a west version of Christm-Olympics. My mom and the girls worked to put together a very fun game day, complete with prizes.