Summer Musings

It's summertime. That means craziness around the house as all three kids are home more, coming and going more, and any hope of a routine we have during the school year is out the window. I love it, even though my Type-A self can easily get distracted from the fun by the lack of order.

Last week a funny thing happened. Amidst all of the schedule-less-ness and no-plan-ever-for-a-real-dinner and house-is-a-mess, I found myself a bit relaxed. That is not my response to such chaos, but there I was, without my guard up and missing a clenching in my jaw. After checking a few lists in my head, I realized that I was relaxed because of the absence of school. For Ruby.

Weird, because I like routine and I love so much of what she's gained from being at school. But the school days (and the school weeks and the school months) definitely find me holding my breath. Sometimes I am waiting for the school to call me to pick her up because of her random and fleeting fever spikes. Sometimes I am waiting to see what her daily note home will indicate was the main struggle that day. Sometimes I am waiting for a possible call to discuss an incident that happened on the playground. Sometimes I am waiting in anticipation of an email or report indicating the level of delay we are currently facing.

Sometimes these things occurrences are continuous and sometimes I'll go a week without one. But I never know when the next one is coming and I never know what it will require of me in the moment. I might have to drop what I'm doing or leave where I am to get to the school right away, or maybe I'll *just* have to review my notes and Ruby's records and respond with an in depth email. One thing I always have to do though is reflect on what this new piece of medical or social or academic or developmental information means in terms of Ruby's school career.

There was a point early this spring that I realized I didn't leave the house outside of the grocery store during the week because I was so afraid of getting too far away from the school where I was destined to be summoned to.

So what do I do with that new brand of crazy I have found in my already full of crazy brain? Hopefully figure out a new chill pill to take for the fall. Hopefully find a better way to organize my day so that it's not preoccupied with the 'what ifs' or even 'whens'. Hopefully remember that I'm not ultimately in control and I need to trust the One that is.