Come On, Harvest

"Do not be weary in well doing for at the right time, if you do not give up, there will be a harvest."  Galatians 6:9

I should really look back to see how many posts I've started with that verse. I know I start (or end) more days with it than not....it's definitely my go-to, my rally cry, my 'help me sleep at night'.

Apologizing in advance: I'm just in a really crappy place today. I'm there because of Ruby's lack of progress, I'm there because of my lack of ability to teach, I'm there because of the disconnect that seems to be happening between time spent on her speech and the reality of what it is, and what it isn't.

Ruby had two session of speech therapy this week were way less than Ruby's "personal best". Add to that at least one dedicated session with me each day (plus the countless moments throughout the day that we pick a word or sound and work on it in everyday activities). And her tongue is as much an issue now as it was two years ago, despite Lehr and I (and all therapists) working on it in so many ways. It has felt like the blows in this department keep coming. As much as she'll have good days, and good weeks, so many areas seem to be lacking and there just doesn't seem to be a way to move past them.

I know… I know… No. Ruby's a rockstar. She will get there in her own time. I need to stop comparing her to others. Academic evaluations do not define her. I just feel overwhelmed at the moment with how easily and quickly she regresses. She has so many vowel and consonant sounds, and she gives so many word approximations with flashcards and books, but if I do not drill her on each one of her sounds extensively several times a week, she falls into bad habits with them. Bad lip placements, bad tongue placements, bad habits.

Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Just be sure to run through these things every morning after breakfast and we're good to go. But that list of "just run through" is very long and time consuming. And that list grows constantly. We "just run through" so many things every morning (and noon, and night), and that is without going backwards and including everything she has ever learned to make sure they are still in-tact.

Some days I just fall into a vacuum, where I cannot see the big picture, but only the intense amount of work being done, sometimes with little to negative gains. I work on speech with her so, so, so much. But we all know that time spent working on something does not necessarily equal productivity. Days like today, I feel like my work with her is the equivalent me bailing water out of a sinking boat using a bucket full of holes. I'm adding value, and I know what the end result needs to be, but my efforts are not maximizing the potential.

Not giving up. Not throwing in the towel. And never doubting her potential. Just trying to remind myself to not be weary.